German wheat beers in a class of their own

Flying Monkeys Stereo Vision American Kristall Wheat is
pretty damn good... except nothing BUT NOTHING
in this country matches a really good German weissbeer

When a German Duke enacted The Bavarian Purity Law back in 1493, it set the strictest brewing rules in the world at the time. And probably since. A strict German - what are the odds? Anyway, I have no idea what kind of power a Duke had in those days (more than brewers, clearly) but this dude's name was Duke George The Rich. I get the feeling the guy had a decently solid stockpile of Deutsche Marks in his piggy-bank because, well, his kinda-douchey name pretty much tells us that.

But there was actually noble method to Duke Rich George's madness. Men, women and children in those days quaffed back beer rather than water because the water systems in those days were pretty sketchy and with the average brew clocking at 1.5 to 3%, it was safer for the populace than chancing it with sludge water. But the Bavaria Purity Law made sure that Germans were getting properly-made beer by stating only three ingredients could be used in the brewing process: hops, barley and water.

Barney Stinson says: "Good German
weissbeers are legen - wheat for it - dary!"

Wheat and rye were excluded due to their scarcity and the fact the bread bakers needed them more. Notice something missing? Like say... yeast? Yup, that's because yeast hadn't been invented as a brewing/baking aid yet. So beer was left in open vats and waited for air-born yeast to settle into it. Anyone else glad they weren't drinking beer in 1493 Germany? Besides the gross idea of air-born yeast fermenting in your beer, you'd also be dead - so there's that, too. But damn, as a nation, they are serious about their beer so you gotta love that. Well, they also invented Oktoberfest so more beer-soaked love to them for that, too.

But eventually, rye and wheat were allowed in their beer brewing process and this is a very good thing. A high school buddy of mine, Haggis (nicknamed that back then due to his thick Scottish brogue), was in my store recently and was excitedly chatting about an upcoming trip to Europe for business. What he was most excited about? "There is NOTHING in this world like a good German wheat beer!"

I had my doubts. Based on the somewhat small selection of Canadian wheat beers I've had, it's not my favourite style. Plus should I accept the word of a high school friend who happily accepted us nicknaming him after sheep entrails? Molson created the Canadian Wheat last summer and while my co-workers all quite liked it, I thought it was 'meh'. Same for Big Rock Grasshopper Wheat Ale out of Calgary. To my mind, Flying Monkeys Stereo Vision American Kristall Wheat out of Barrie was a healthy huge step up from those two - it's like they're the only ones who tried - but I had come to accept that wheat beers just weren't my thing. There are so many other styles I seemed to prefer...

Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier: Not just
one of the best wheat beers in the world.
One of the best beers in the world... period!

Well, sonuvabitch, if Haggis wasn't right (and nothing from our high school days would have ever suggested that... for either of us, actually.) Out of a brewery in Freisling, Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier, a straight wheat beer, and Weihenstephaner Vitas, a single bock wheat, are two of the best beers I've ever had in my life. I'm a well-documented hop-head (that also had a very different definition during my and Haggis' high school days... just sayin') and wheat beers are pretty much the opposite of that. Both properly cloudy and darker in the case of Vitas (which spends extra time in the brewery's monastery basement), these two pack a full-bodied flavour with muted fruit overtones. These two smoked RateBeer.com with 99 and 98 respectively (I would have flipped those marks and given Vitas the edge).

Much the same result when I tried our three Hacker Pschorr beers out of  Munich, the Hefe Weisse, Munchener Gold and Munchner Kellerbier, respectively a wheat beer, a Dortmunder pils and a Zwickel lager. While I genuinely enjoyed the Gold and Kellerbier, the Hefe Weisse was light years ahead, according to my taste buds. That was pretty much back up by RateBeer with the Hefe Weisse being well into the 90s and the other two being much further back. However, when it came to the remaining wheat beers... well, this is where RateBeer and I parted ways.

German athlete Caroline Steffen celebrates winning the Datev Challenge
Roth triathlon back in July by pouring a big-ass Erdinger on her face.
Clearly, she has a drinking problem as she's completely missing her mouth!

Two German wheats that I also loved, Erdinger Weissbier, out of Erding and Schofferhofer Hefeweizen, out of Frankfurt, were given marks in the 50s and 60s - way too low, as far as I'm concerned. I now drink the Schofferhofer as much as I do my precious IPAs. Its bright orange 500ml can ($2.50) stands as a beacon in my fridge these days. (Not so much a beacon in my fridge these days - actual food.) To me, this pair was almost as good as the others.

Okay, here's where things get dodgy. Because I loved the German wheats so much, their lagers and pilseners fared less well with me which is odd because up until 6 months ago, lagers and pilseners were all I drank. I also had more room for food then but beer... uh, "research" takes up a lot of fridge space.

As German lagers/pilseners go, Hofbrau
Original pretty much set the benchmark

There were the usual suspects in this category... Dab Dortmunder, Radeberger Pilsner, Wernesgruner Pils, Bitburger Premium Pils, Spaten Munchen, Holsten Premium, Furstenberg Premium Pils and Krombacher Pils. These are all pretty decent beers but after the wheats? Sorry but the wheats are world-class, these are weak cousins by comparison. That said, I could happily recommend any of them to customers as they are probably fairly typical of the most popular German AND Canadian beer styles. However, for my money, Hofbrau Original was the best of that collective bunch. It had some extra character to its taste.

Interestingly enough, I thought both the Dab Maibock and Holsten Maibock weren't particularly strong either (far too light tasting and looking) but that the Holsten Festbock (though lowly-rated on RateBeer) packed a lovely punch as a full-bodied dark bock. And so you know Maibocks are called that because the only month they're brewed is May. No joke. There you go. Win a bar bet with that factoid. A really, really, really lame bar bet.

Breaking Bad beer... bitch, it's the bomb, yo! Made by Marble Brewing out
of Albuquerque, New Mexico (where the show was based), there's a
Heisenberg's Dark (black IPA) and a Walt's White Lies (white IPA)

So let's close up shop here with a shout-out. Since my blog brothers, Stevil St Evil and Glenn don't have fresh blogs since my last one (which was really just a few days ago), this blog's shout-out goes to my co-worker Marie who let me know Albuquerque craft brewer Marble Brewing has created TWO new IPAs in honour of the Breaking Bad's final season: a Heisenberg's Dark and a Walt's White Lies. Marie's closing out Season 3; I'm closing out Season 4 so don't tell us how it ends. Here's the link: Breaking Bad Beers
But I'm a little upset they didn't create a Jesse Pinkman This Shit Is Off The Hook, Yo IPA because he rocked that show so hard. Turns out the TV show used a lot of their beer during filming so they returned the favour. And two new IPAs that I've never tried??? Lemme at 'em! Not to mention my other co-worker Carter has made me aware of a double IPA from The Alchemist Brewery out of Waterbury, Vermont that's 120 IBUs, is 8% and scored 100 on both RateBeer and BeerAdvocate.com. It's called Heady Topper. If you need me, I'll be in Vermont... Okay, men, women and small beer drinking children from 1493 Germany, until next time, I remain...