The Cans vs Bottles Challenge

I was prepared for Kim and the Bottles vs Cans Challenge,
bringing four cups, marked Kim A, Kim B, Don A and Don B.
What I was NOT prepared for was losing that beer challenge!

As they say in the movies, Dennis Ford made me an offer I couldn't refuse...

Well, I suppose I could have but I would have missed one helluva great time. You see, Dennis popped into my Beer Store a couple of weeks back and invited me to the Kim and Dennis Midsummer's Night Filled With Rock and/or Roll Music and Debauchery Party on Saturday night. I am also quite certain that is not the party's official name but rather some descriptive prose on the party's theme.

You see, Kim is Dennis' lovely wife and this now-annual Summer bash was held pretty much around the corner from where I live. Maybe 10 minutes away - 15 minutes if you get stuck behind a Smart Car, such as I did. But there were two big reasons to attend... well, three if you include a whole lot of fun.

The first one was a chance to see twin siblings Dennis and Danny perform a live concert for us all night. The second reason was far more serious. Dennis had confided that Kim thought beer tasted better out of the bottle, rather than a can.

The Twerk Twins (there was no twerking) of Dennis and
Danny played everything from the Everly Brothers to the
Foo Fighters, aided and abetted by a healthy handful of
back-up musicians, as well as some stunning back-up lady
singers. Also I made an early mental note when I saw them.
"Okay, Dennis is in red, Danny's in white. Remember that"

I instantly balked at the notion and brought forth a challenge. Checking my Guest Beer, strategically located on the bottom shelf of my fridge, I noticed the only visitor beer that was both in a can and a bottle was Miller Lite. That would serve our purpose well, as if there is a difference in taste, it would be most noticeable in a pale light lager and they don't come any paler or lighter than Miller Lite. In the "tastes great, less filling" debate, I would suggest only "less filling" is applicable.

So Kim and I both had two cups - one filled from the can, the other from the bottle. We both drank them and guessed which was which. Kim got it right. I got it wrong. Seeing that I was devastated by the results, Kim put a consoling hand on my shoulder and gently noted, "Maybe I should be writing the beer blog..." As the hostess, I think she could have at least provided me with some ice for that vicious burn. That said, Kim, it would seem, has discovered a taste for Kolsch beers after visiting Sawdust City Brewing in Gravenhurst. So rather than wine, I brought her Sawdust City Gateway Kolsch, Muskoka Kirby's Kolsch, Creemore Kolsch and four Beau's Lug-Tread Lagered Ale - the king of Ontario Kolsches.

The ladies, from left, Jo-Ann, Juliette, Julie and Kim,
bust a move while singing back-up for Mustang Sally.

And, Kim, so you know, Beau's All Natural Brewing is located in the tiny farming community of Vankleek Hills, Ontario (near Ottawa) and a Lug Tread is the indentation of a tractor's over-sized back wheels in the mud. See? I know beer stuff. And quite inexplicably, farm stuff.

Early in the concert, Danny noted that Dennis' bass-playing and his son Michael's drumming were being lauded from the crowd. "But nothing for me? Come on, I'm the sensitive one up here." I decided to break the cricket-chirping silence and show Danny a little love. "Your guitar playing is really adequate," I said loudly. He seemed to truly appreciate my show of support. It's all about friendship, people.

And then, of course, there's the Ford's sibling sisters, Brenda and Shelagh. Teasing Shelagh is pretty much a ritual for me at these events. You see, we were dancing partners in a high school musical called Rock and Roll and after every practice, Shelagh made a point of telling me what a horrible dancer I was.

I shuddered a little when Shelagh, left, told me that Susan
Eaton, right, wanted to talk to me. A former teacher calling
on you is never a good sign. Turns out she was determined
to figure out how she knew me as she was never my teacher.

Well, of course, I am. If you can't tell from the photos, I'm white. And male. I had the pleasure of telling her young daughter that story, who instantly turned to Shelagh and scolded, "Mom, that was mean." Heh, heh, heh... I was also a bit mischievous when someone asked me 10 minutes earlier how I knew Shelagh. "I took her virginity," I said without hesitation. Well, lemme tell ya, Brenda lost her shit laughing while the others stared at me with open mouths and wide eyes. At that point, civilized society dictates that I say, "Just kidding." I forgot that part. So you know, I didn't. That would be in violation of the Bro Code For Dating Friends' Sisters which simply states, "You do that and you marry her."

During a break, Dennis joined me for a smoke behind his garden shed where I admired his neighbour's immaculate lawn and humongous garden. "Here's the thing about my neighbour," Dennis confessed. "She's 87, widowed a few years back and she is constantly bringing me fresh vegetables from that garden." I told him that was a pretty sweet deal. "Yeah," he agreed, "the only problem is she thinks my name is Dave and 15 years later, it's too late to correct her."

This young lady, Brynn, the daughter of a friend of
Dennis, brought down the house with her rendition of
Adele's Rolling In The Deep. Such a tiny girl but what
humongous pipes. She nailed every single high note!!

But I gotta be honest. In the end, the Fords were not the stars of their own party. No, that honour went to Susan Eaton-Davies... or Miss Eaton as we knew her when she was a music-drama teacher at White Oaks Secondary School way back in the day, She reconnected with the Ford brothers at our high school's 50th Reunion back in May and happily accepted an invitation to attend with hubby, Bryn. When we were introduced, I noted she hadn't taught me as I had the other music teacher, Mr. Herlihey. But I knew there was some connection. As did she. So when Shelagh grabbed me and said, "Susan Eaton wants to talk to you," I knew the time was coming to figure it out. "Why do I know you?" she asked. In that instant, it dawned on me. She was the director of that high school musical I mentioned earlier. Fortunately, she remembered me fondly, which makes sense because she got "Funny After-Class Don" rather than "Don, The Student Who Sent Five Of Her Colleagues Directly Into Therapy." Before she left, Susan made a point of telling me, "This is so wonderful. It's great seeing all these people again. What a fun night. What a fantastic idea!" Dennis and Kim, this is where you take a bow. Actually, this is where the whole Ford family takes a bow.

Straight from the Left Coast - or Vancouver, as many call
it - is the Steam Works Kolsch Lagered Ale. Refreshing!

Okay, since this is allegedly a beer blog (until Kim takes it over) and that wicked-awesome Summer Bash makes me think of Summer Sippers, let's get our party beer-drinking hats on. And in honour of Kim, let's kick-start this with a Kolsch. So let's stretch our arms all the way to Vancouver and pull back a Steam Works' Kolsch Lagered Ale. At 4.8% and a style-reasonable 22 IBUs (international bitterness unit), you can see this pours the colour of a pale lager - very light. Fortunately, looks can be deceiving as there is some soft citrus on the nose and light malt and a wee bit of apple on the tongue. I had this with home-made Mac and Cheese lunch before work one day and thought it was a great food pairing. Well, what doesn't go with Mac and Cheese, eh? There was some light sediment at the bottom of the glass that told me this was unfiltered so I was pretty happy about that. Great little beer. I'll find one for Kim.

Okay, at 7%, the Collingwood Brewing Saison Farmhouse
 Ale had a little more kick than I was initially anticipating.

And speaking of pre-work, lunchtime beers, I was having a roast beef and swiss cheese sandwich one day and decided to wash it down with something from my fridge. Spotting the Collingwood Brewing Saison Farmhouse Ale, I thought, "Perfect! A nice light lunch beer!" That is, until I opened and poured it. Instantly, from the smell, I knew this was no light-weight saison. Looking at the can, I realized it was 7%, a little heavier than you want from a pre-work lunch beer. The aroma was thick with tropical fruit while on the tongue, there was initially some sweetness followed quickly with a nice bitter bite.

This beer encouraged me to seek out more of Collingwood's products. So it wasn't long before I had my seldom-washed mitts on their Downhill Pale Ale. (I had their Fireside English Special Bitter some time around Christmas. Really nice ESB.)

Okay, right off the top, look at this colour. That, my friends,
is the sight of a deep, rich pale ale. I quite enjoyed this one.

Okay, first of all, this has a beautiful amber colour which, believe me, is almost always a good sign. (I said "almost") Some nice orange on the nose, it was a bit grassy, a bit fruity and a bit peppery on the tongue. At a reasonable 5.4% and solid 33 IBUs (standard for a pale ale), I found myself enjoying this, as well.

Moving on and once again, in honour of Kim, I recently had Lost Craft Brewing's inaugural beer, Revivale Lagered Ale. Contract-brewing out of Etobicoke's Cool Brewery, this Kolsch is nice and light at 4.8% but some light fruitiness on the nose (nothing I can pinpoint - just fruity) and some grainy malts on the tongue. I had it one night when I returned home from work and I will tell you, it was a refreshing way to start the evening. As they are hoping to set up their own brewery in Scarborough soon, I genuinely look forward to more Lost Craft beers. Maybe a couple more out of Cool before they get their vats set up.

Yeah, even the brewery will admit this colour is pretty
thin but dammit, they threw a metric ton of Saaz hops
into this pale lager so really, it was better than it looks.

Okay, let's finish up with one from Kim's favourite brewery, Sawdust City. I'll be frank. This beer should not have worked at all. They decided that in conjunction with Norway brewery Arendals Byggeri to brew a pale lager. Pale lagers are beers such as Pabst Blue Ribbon, Rolling Rock, Molson Canadian and Bud. Technically, that's the style craft brewers are trying to wean us away from. (Hey, Miss Eaton, I just ended a sentence with a preposition. Aren't you glad you weren't my English teacher?) So what did Sawdust City put into their Little Norway to differentiate it from the mainstream? A big-ass pile of Saaz hops, the ones usually dropped into Czech-style pilsners, such as Steam Whistle. At 4.5%, those hops amp the lager's game a little, making it grassy on the nose but malty and slightly dry on the tongue. Being very mild, this is not representative of Sawdust City's usual output of stud beers but at least they took a weak style and made it somewhat interesting. So 10 points to Gryffindor for that.

Okay, before I go, one more story from the party but only because I don't want to see you beg. It's unbecoming and I'm all about dignity.

After 25 years of wedded bliss, I finally got to meet
Danny's wife, Denise. After less than one minute of
conversation with her, it dawned on me why Danny
 has made sure this has never before happened...

You see, Dennis' wife, Kim, wasn't the first Ford wife I met last night. No, I also met Danny's wife, Denise, at the same time. (Well, not the exact same time - several minutes apart.) So I was telling her how I enjoyed a picture of the two of them earlier this Summer, celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary by plunging into the water at a cottage - she in her wedding dress, he in his wedding suit. The photo captures them inches above the splash-down. That lead to this conversation.
Me: Did you ruin the dress?
Denise: Okay yeah, completely.
Me: Are you sure that was wise? *Looking at Danny right beside her* I mean, it's only been 25 years and you could have a change of heart. After all, the dress still fit and everything.
Denise: *Eyeing Danny* You make a good point.
Me: I know, right? Those dresses are expensive and who knows if you'll need it again?
And that, my friends, is why Danny wisely waited a quarter of a century before introducing me to his blushing bride. The Instigator Factor that I bring.

Before I sign off, I wanted to say I just saw that all-female Ghostbusters and thought, "Man, they are just trashing my youth." You know what else is trashing my youth? Getting older. But hey, screw that. Parties like this are what make us all young again. Especially when you see a former teacher kickin' it up old school and having the time of her life. What a great night! I have said it before but there are no friends like old friends. But guys and dolls, that's it, that's all and I am outta here!!! Until next time, I remain...